For every good movie, there are five bad ones. That’s just the way of the world. Or rather, the way of Hollywood. And in my time as a movie viewer, I’ve liked some pretty bad ones. And today, I’m here to expose my past shame. So sit back, relax, and don’t drink anything. You may be in for a spit take or two.
1. Princess Protection Program- You guys know I love Demi Lovato with all my heart, but this movie was not good. It’s not that it was a cheesy DCOM— it’s that so much about it is so implausible. Costa Luna is taken over by a dictator simply because he waltzes in and says it’s his now, the mean girls actually blackmail Rosie even knowing her very life is in danger, and Carter and Rosie don’t wind up together in the end. (Fun fact: I once wrote lesbian fanfiction about this movie and corrected some of the other issues, but you’ll never find it.) Looking back, definitely not one of my finer moments in my career as a Demi stan.
2. This is the End- I used to think this movie was hilarious. Starring several B-list comedy stars (including Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, and James Franco), it chronicles the literal apocalypse and how the aforementioned B-listers deal with it. I watched it again recently and… it was not so funny. In fact, it was most decidedly unfunny. The only good thing about this movie (besides James Franco getting unraptured and murdered by cannibals) was the ending. Still the greatest movie ending of all time.
3. New York Minute- My sister and I used to be huge Mary Kate and Ashley fans and this was our favorite of their movies. We watched it over and over. We thought it was hilarious and quality programming. I watched it again a couple years ago when I was still a Supernatural fan because I found out Jared Padalecki was the main love interest. It caused me to severely question twelve-year-old me’s taste. Embarrassing to say the least.
4. Spice World- When I was in, like, the first grade, I loved the Spice Girls. I listened to their cassette tapes (because it was the ‘90s, you see) on repeat, I had a doll of each of the girls, I had a Spice Girls bike, and was a Posh girl all the way. I must’ve seen this movie countless times as a kid… and yet, for years, the only scene I could remember was the girls running down an alley-like street and Posh strutting slowly and elegantly after them. As she does. Recently, I watched some clips from it. And what. The. Fuck. This movie is just a bunch of randomness and nonsense split up by performance scenes. There’s a scene where the girls get abducted and another where they diffuse a bomb while on the roof of their speeding tour bus. There were also several odd, purposeless celebrity cameos, including Meatloaf who was inexplicably their tour bus driver. Needless to say, this is a drug trip of a movie and yet somehow is still what I want, what I really, really want.
5. From Justin to Kelly- This one I’ll admit is a stretch. It doesn’t quite fill the qualifications laid forth above. And that is because… I still love this movie. I know it’s terrible. The plot is contrived and cliché, the acting is abysmal, and most of the songs aren’t that great. But… Kelly Clarkson, man. I rented this movie from the video store over and over before I finally bought the DVD years later. Everyone in the world, including Justin and Kelly themselves, hate this movie, but… I just can’t. Give me a Razzie for being an annoying fan, I guess.
What are some bad movies you used to love but cringe at now? Are there any bad movies you can’t help but love? Let me know in the comments!
Strange Storyteller 